Articles & Resources
Sapphic Dating After 40: Is She Flirting, or Just Being Nice?
Hello, dear ones, hello, hello! Oh, my tender-hearted newbies to the world of sapphic dating! The following is for all of you: the ones whose knees are watery at the thought of wading into the dating pool, the ones who are tiptoeing forward with equal parts excitement...
Coming Out in Midlife: On the Rooms That Were Almost Right
At the first retreat I hosted, sitting in a room full of women who had come to their queerness later in life, we landed on something none of us expected to have in common. The mommy groups. Almost every one of us, it turned out, had spent years in those circles, the...
The Kid in the Cape: A First Pride, Coming Out Later in Life
My wife went to her first Pride in the late nineteen eighties. About twenty people showed up. It was raining, so they stood together under an overpass, and that was the event. That was Pride. Twenty people in the rain, in a decade when showing up to something like...
The First Six Months After Coming Out Later in Life: What No One Prepares Us For
I want to write about the stretch of time that almost no one prepares you for, the first six months after coming out. The part where you have said the thing, or admitted it to yourself, or finally given the question its real name, and you think the hardest work is...
Queer Estrangement and Ambiguous Loss: The Grief Our Community Carries
Queer Estrangement: The Loss That Has No Casserole There is a particular kind of loss in our queer community that most of the world does not have language for. It does not come with a funeral. There is no casserole on the doorstep, no card in the mail, no row of...
Is It Okay to Keep Coming Out When the World Feels Unsafe?
Discernment, Steadiness, and Care in Uncertain Times Editor's Note: This piece was written in a moment of political uncertainty and rising fear, particularly for LGBTQIA+ people and their families. It is not a call to action or a directive about how or when to come...
Coming Out & Beyond Podcast
Coming Out & Beyond Support For Women Questioning Their Sexuality Later in Life | Season 7 Episode 41 | You Look Great for 200! Celebrating Our 200th Episode and National Coming Out Day with Special Guests Tonda McKay, Barb Rowlandson, and Anna Empey
https://youtu.be/YHaqMk-ZHyw Content note: this episode includes discussion of conversion therapy and religious trauma. Two hundred episodes. We still can't quite believe it either. To celebrate this milestone, and National Coming Out Day, Anne-Marie Zanzal gathers...
Coming Out & Beyond Support For Women Questioning Their Sexuality Later in Life | Season 7 Episode 40 | Coach vs. Therapist? Knowing What You Need, Joined By Regular Guest Anna Empey
https://youtu.be/rNHdy3BcGzs What is the difference between a coach and a therapist, and how do you know which one you need? Anne-Marie Zanzal welcomes back her frequent guest and longtime business coach Anna Empey, owner of Business Inspired Solution, for an honest...
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5 Ways to Find Community After Coming Out
Everything seems overwhelming when we are first coming out. We are discovering so much about ourselves and how we fit into the world. At times it’s a very lonely journey. We don’t know if people will understand or if they will think we’ve made it up or are going...
Internalized Homophobia: What is it
Internalized Homophobia is when LGBTQIA+ people listen to negative messages about being gay – and believe them. While society has come a long way in accepting some members of the LGBTQIA+ family, negative messages about being not straight still persist. We...
When This Long Time Out Lesbian Dated a Newbie
By Tonda Mckay I have been out forever and five years ago I began dating a newly out woman. We were both in our early fifties. We all know there are a million ways to come out and all ages at which to take that first step. I tried one straight relationship...
Divorce
What No One Tells You About Divorce (But We Will) – 8 Pieces of Crucial Information You Need to Know
By: Anne-Marie Zanzal and Barbara Rowlandson Real Talk from Two Women Who’ve Been There When I was getting divorced, I had high hopes for a peaceful, mature separation. We hired a mediator.I was polite.I was reasonable.I brought snacks. I truly believed we could do...
She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not: Healing Heartbreak When Your Ex Moves on Quickly
Story time: Nearly two years ago, I ended an engagement with a woman who I loved very much. While she is in many ways a good human being, our lifestyles and families were just waaaay too different. The decision to end things was a painful one. I know, I know, ending...
Weathering The Storm
https://youtu.be/9N2TcbRyaFI Join me, Anne-Marie Zanzal, and Tonda McKay as we discuss how to find peace as we navigate the choppy waters of divorce. Divorce is a turbulent time for most, with heightened feelings, triggers, anger, sadness and radical change for all...
Guide to Supporting Your Friend When They Get Divorced
Divorce is always a difficult topic and often so taboo we don’t know how to act when the topic is brought up, let alone when someone close to us is going through it. We don’t know what to say or how to support them and so often we end up feeling awkward and useless or...
Children & Divorce – Some Thoughts
One of the biggest fears we have when considering divorce is the effect it will have on our kids. It is a valid concern. But so often we get stuck in all the negative that we’ve heard about kids with divorced parents that we don’t consider all the ways in which a...
8 Things No One Told You About Divorcing Your Spouse
Divorce is often an off limit topic, yet it’s also very common, so let’s get real and actually talk about it. When we do talk about it, it’s often vague or unemotional, not wanting to burden others or share what sometimes feels like a failure. We are rarely told what...
Coming Out
Is It Okay to Keep Coming Out When the World Feels Unsafe?
Discernment, Steadiness, and Care in Uncertain Times Editor's Note: This piece was written in a moment of political uncertainty and rising fear, particularly for LGBTQIA+ people and their families. It is not a call to action or a directive about how or when to come...
On My (First) Adolescence—And Why Libido Shouldn’t Be Your Life
Today’s topic is what many of us call “second adolescence.” When I use that phrase, I’m not speaking in theory. I’m speaking from the messy, funny, sometimes cringey chapter where I made rash decisions and let my libido take the wheel more than once. Here’s the truth...
Three Questions to Ask Yourself When Coming Out Later in Life
Coming out later in life can feel like stepping into the unknown. It’s normal to have doubts, fears, and a whirlwind of emotions. We have built comfort zones of safety and whenever we try to step out of that place, we are often met with fear, indecision, and doubt....
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The information shared on this website is offered for education, reflection, and personal growth. It is not intended to provide medical, mental health, legal, or clinical advice, nor to replace care from licensed professionals.
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