๐ In this episode, host Anne-Marie Zanzal and coming out coach Barbara Rowlandson explore the complexities of estrangement, grief, and the societal narratives surrounding suffering. They discuss personal experiences with estrangement from children, the impact of diet culture on self-worth, and the cultural messages that equate suffering with love and worthiness, particularly for women. Their dialogue emphasizes the importance of choosing joy over suffering, recognizing the dual realities of grief and happiness, and challenging the comfort found in familiar suffering. Anne-Marie and Barb encourage listeners to rethink their relationship with suffering and embrace a more compassionate view of themselves and their experiences. Themes explored in this episode include struggle, ease, and the inherent worthiness of joy, the importance of self-acceptance, the practice of allowing joy to be a default state, and the necessity of releasing unnecessary suffering. Listeners are encouraged to embrace their worthiness and the joy that comes with it, challenging the narrative that happiness must be earned through hardship.
โย What to Expect in This Episode:
โ๏ธAnne-Marie and Barbara talk about harmful messages about self-worth and joy that are directed at women.
๐ฆDiscussion on how opposing feelings like grief and joy can coexist and are not mutually exclusive.
๐งThe roles of mindfulness and self-compassion in overcoming suffering.
๐ฅHow community support can help individuals thrive, cultivate self-kindness, and embrace their true selves.
Real Stories, Real Advice: Anne-Marie and Barb discuss their personal relationships to suffering and how and when they learned in early life that suffering is a virtue. They share anecdotes about family estrangement, diet culture, religion, and divorce to highlight their relationship to suffering, and then discuss how they deconstructed the belief that suffering is virtuous, learning to live without shame and suffering as a prerequisite to joy.
โจ Why This Matters:
Women are raised with strong messages about what it means to be a good girl or woman, and those lessons become deeply ingrained, lasting well into adulthood. Suffering and self-sacrifice are seen as womanly burdens, and women are groomed to expect that suffering is normal and noble. When women come out later in life and leave their heteronormative lives, there is an opportunity to step away from societal expectations and embrace self-love and joy without conditions that include suffering.
Authentically Us is a support community for later-in-life LGBTQ women at all stages of the coming out and beyond process. Coming out later in life is often accompanied by suffering. Whether you’re looking to deconstruct messages from a conservative faith tradition, experience divorce-related guilt, or struggle with feelings of shame around your coming out or sexual identity, Authentically Us has the right kind of support for you. Monthly subscription to Authentically Us on Mighty Networks is $35/month, but you can try your first week for free. Find Authentically Us at https://bit.ly/Authentically-Us
๐ฌ Join the Conversation:
Has this episode made you think about your own relationship to suffering? Drop a comment and let’s talk about it!
๐ Visit our website:
Anne-Marie’s : [ annemariezanzal.com]
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You can also tune into this episode of Coming Out & Beyond: LGBTQIA+ Stories on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.
Apple Podcasts: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/coming-out-beyond-lgbtqia-stories/id1569859569
Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/27kocr4llm6syHKaeX1x9e
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