My therapist asked me at the end of the six months, “As you move forward what kind of woman would you like to meet?”   After some reflection I said, “I would like to meet a woman who has been out for a long time and who has no children .” Why did I want a life long lesbian also known as a woman who came out in their teens or twenties?   There is a lesbian culture and I wanted to be with someone who knew it and could explain the intricacies to me.  Many later in life lesbians often end up with someone who comes from a similar situation and they learn together.  I just didn’t want to do that.   No children?  I have four and that is a lot.  I did not want to worry about integrating more children and I didn’t want my kids to worry about that either.   I did not want to raise anymore children.  I was in my twenty-fourth year of actively raising children and I could see the finish line.  

Don’t Let Your Plans Delay You From Fully Coming Out

I had a plan.   I was going to come out as a lesbian, live on my own for several years, and then start dating. I would have never fully come out if I tried to follow this plan.  I most likely would have returned to my marriage due to the enormous pressure I was getting from my family and my own guilt and shame in leaving my marriage and coming out.   In retrospect, this weak plan just doesn’t make any sense, because I still was questioning my sexual orientation and I needed to be in a relationship with a woman so I could put my fears and doubt aside.   I would like to confirm that my suspicions were correct and I am undoubtedly queer. Life plans never seem to work out, do they?  Often whatever exists in its place, it is something better than we ever dreamed or imagined.