My therapist asked me at the end of the six months, “As you move forward what kind of woman would you like to meet?” After some reflection I said, “I would like to meet a woman who has been out for a long time and who has no children .” Why did I want a life long lesbian also known as a woman who came out in their teens or twenties? There is a lesbian culture and I wanted to be with someone who knew it and could explain the intricacies to me. Many later in life lesbians often end up with someone who comes from a similar situation and they learn together. I just didn’t want to do that. No children? I have four and that is a lot. I did not want to worry about integrating more children and I didn’t want my kids to worry about that either. I did not want to raise anymore children. I was in my twenty-fourth year of actively raising children and I could see the finish line.
Don’t Let Your Plans Delay You From Fully Coming Out
I had a plan. I was going to come out as a lesbian, live on my own for several years, and then start dating. I would have never fully come out if I tried to follow this plan. I most likely would have returned to my marriage due to the enormous pressure I was getting from my family and my own guilt and shame in leaving my marriage and coming out. In retrospect, this weak plan just doesn’t make any sense, because I still was questioning my sexual orientation and I needed to be in a relationship with a woman so I could put my fears and doubt aside. I would like to confirm that my suspicions were correct and I am undoubtedly queer. Life plans never seem to work out, do they? Often whatever exists in its place, it is something better than we ever dreamed or imagined.
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