First off, yes. There are lots of queer people with strong religious beliefs and many lead very spiritual lives. Just as there is no set way to be LGBTQ+, there is no specific way to be religious. The way you build and engage in your future spiritual life is up to you. And though you may find something spiritually divine in your sexuality, your religion doesn’t dictate that. That’s found within you. Your sexuality and your religious/spiritual life are parts of your identity and not dependent on each other. You can find a path and affirming community that supports your faith in whatever way you want to pursue it.
Let’s Define Religion and Spirituality
Religion can be defined as “a personal set or institutionalized system of religious attitudes, beliefs, and practices; the service and worship of God or the supernatural.” While spirituality is more about the “experience of connection to something larger than you; living everyday life in a reverent and sacred manner.” Religions are often based on the teachings of a founder or leader and have codes of belief adherents follow. Spirituality, on the other hand, is more the personal application of certain teachings or beliefs.
While there can be a lot of crossover, spirituality will look different for everyone. I am a spiritual person with a strong foundation in several religious belief systems including Buddhism and yoga. I often felt very attuned to spiritual experiences and someone who defines themselves as primarily spiritual may sometimes attend organized religious services or continue to practice certain religious rituals even when they no longer adhere to the religion.
Defining oneself as “spiritual but not religious” is also pretty common in our community. Spirituality may seem more open and flexible when stripped of religions’ dogmatic influence. And you can define your own spiritual practice because it’s very general and what helps each of us connect with something bigger than ourselves can be so varied.
Your Beliefs Are Your Choice
Of course, you can believe whatever you choose to believe and practice whatever you choose to practice. You don’t have to “throw the baby out with the bathwater” if you find that your religion won’t support you living your authentic life. You can have your own individual interpretation of truths, and reflect on what brings comfort, peace, and integrity to you, and your life. You are your own authority on what is right for you and your own sovereign in the way you choose to live. You don’t have to get that from someone or something outside yourself.
Spirituality Has Nothing to do with Sexuality
When we grow up in a church that consecrates heterosexual marriage and has clear ideologies surrounding sex and what is acceptable, it’s easy to feel like spirituality and sexuality must be connected and that the latter must be controlled, hidden, or changed. But that’s simply not true. Your sexuality has nothing to do with your spirituality, religion, or how you practice it.
Our sexuality is not a choice, but how we live spiritually is. Even if sex became part of your spiritual life, they are not dependent on each other. You can live your sexuality authentically and change what beliefs no longer serve you.
How to Find a Church That Has Progressive Branches that Support the LGBTQ+ Community?
The church you grew up in is not the only option. If you are coming out from a conservative Christian denomination that is unwelcoming or hateful towards queer people, there are many other Christian denominations that are progressive and open to the LBGTQIA+ community. Some even openly celebrate queerness. Some denominations to consider are the United Church of Christ, Metropolitan Community Church, Disciples of Christ, and American Baptist.
Other religious traditions, such as Judaism and Islam have progressive wings as well. If you want to stay within your current religious tradition, there are always many different flavors of every tradition.
Always check out the website before you go and look for language such as “open,” “inclusive,” and “affirming”. Look at their church council, board of elders, vestry, etc. If they are all men, chances are they won’t be affirming to LGBTQIA+ people or women for that matter.
Look for obvious signs. Churches that have no shame in promoting they support you as a queer person try to make it obvious. You may see pride flags, brochures or message boards about the LGBTQIA+ community, or even openly queer clergy.
The Cathedral of Hope in Dallas has some great resources for people coming out from conservative Christian traditions if you’re looking for somewhere to start. They have articles, links, and book and movie recommendations to help you navigate the next steps of your faith journey.
Finding an Affirming Community is Vital to Your Happiness
Community is crucial for us as human beings, but it may not be a church. If you discover that church is no longer for you or doesn’t provide the fulfillment you’re seeking as you let yourself be more who you are, find and explore new ways to express and experience spirituality with others.
Because of the damage done to the LGBTQIA+ community by the church, many people choose to walk away from organized religion and that is a personal decision. It’s not about what is right or wrong, just what works for you.
What is helpful is to determine if spirituality is something that is important to you. Many people access their spiritual selves through meditation, yoga, nature, or volunteering. What feeds you and where do you feel the most comfortable? Only you can determine that. There are people with similar interests you can foster connections with to participate in spiritual communities in new ways that support you.
You also don’t have to leave your religion right away, you can take your time to sort out and process what you see is your truth. Take a “sabbatical” from church, try new things, come back if that’s what works for you or move on. There is no rush. There is only more opportunity for you to live authentically according to all the things you value.
You can still be lesbian (or queer in any sense) and still maintain strong spiritual or religious beliefs. There are so many ways for you to explore making that work and there is an affirming community of people here who have been where you are and can help you navigate that. If you are interested in connecting with others who are in your shoes or specifically looking for support to navigate both your spirituality and your faith, I provide one-on-one coaching and group support to empower women coming out later in life. I would love the opportunity to walk with you on your journey, and help you honor all aspects of your identity in any way I can.
